We find ourselves living in dangerous times. Heat waves, geopolitical conflict, outright warfare on multiple continents, the looming threat of mythically powerful artificially superintelligence – these threats haunt our every waking moment.
But towering above all of these terrors is the greatest danger of them all. He is omnipresent, but frequently absent. He knows all, yet knows nothing. He will work relentlessly to achieve his ends – except between 3 and 6pm, when he has to nap at his doctor’s recommendation.
When you let your guard down, he may seem far away, but he is always closer than you think.
He is… the Uncle!
When a family man scurrilously rents his flat to a bachelor – he is there. When two young people hold hands behind a tree, their eyes darting around but finding nothing – lo, he appears. When a resident wants to get back home after 11:15pm on a weekday – it is he who stands athwart yelling “Ruko, chardulle!”
Uncle has been toiling in the background for a long time. He has been performing samajik seva for the Society and also society itself. Three times he has been offered Residents Welfare Association committee chairmanship, and thrice has he refused it. Heavy is the head perched on the neck that has been legitimately diagnosed with too much spondylosis to wear the crown.
But now, Uncle has decided it’s time for him to step out of the shadows. Despite his distaste for such publicity, Padma Shris don’t award themselves – indeed, as he learned recently, you can’t even nominate yourself via WhatsApp to the Home Ministry.
So Uncle is putting together a film crew to record his every move and tell his story to the world – not for himself, of course, but so that future generations will have a complete historical record to guide them in their otherwise aimless journeys.
Who’s in?
Revenge of the Uncle is a 20-minute mockumentary short brought to you by the Sankaran Brothers and Honesty is Best, the distinguished writer-director-producer-actors behind Ungli, the premier comedy sketch about Electoral Bonds, which has, at last count, almost 1500 views on YouTube (rounding up).
Soham Sankaran is the founder & CEO of PopVax, a biotech developing novel vaccines and personalized cancer therapies using generative AI. Sahaj Sankaran previously led communications at PopVax and reported for ThePrint. Both grew up in Bombay, went to Yale for undergrad, and returned to India for reasons that mystify many.
Still with us? If this sounds like something you’d like to work on: congratulations! We’re still scouting for… *checks notes*... an entire crew of collaborators and cast of actors to help us take this from script to screen. If this goes well, we want to turn it into a regular series, whether on YouTube or, censor board willing, somewhere else.
If one of the roles below sounds like you, we’d love to hear from you. You can schedule a chat with us here – click the link below, book a slot, and answer the questions.
https://calendly.com/sahajsankaran/new-meeting
Sound tantalizing? Wonder what the screenplay would look like? Good news: we’ve released the entire draft script online! You can read it here!
And if this sounds like fun to you, here’s who we need:
Line Producers (2)
The unsung martyrs running this circus. You’ll find and secure locations, wrangle actors, sort out logistics, and make sure every single piece is exactly where and when it needs to be. In the words of Claude, son of Dario, Line Producers are immensely load-bearing pillars in the foundation of any movie, and we won’t ever forget it.
Director of Photography (DoP)
Transform the chaos of the set into absolute cinema. You’ll design the lighting, choose the lenses, choreograph the camera movement, frame every shot, and create a distinctive feel and visual language that brings Uncle’s world to life with all the dignity and solemnity he thinks it deserves.
Assistant DoP
The DoP’s loyal and long-suffering lieutenant. You’ll help prep camera gear, swap lenses, pull focus when needed, and make sure the camera is rolling no matter what stands in your way.
Assistant Director (1st AD)
Be the dictator running the set so the Director/s can pretend to be a visionary. You’ll build the shooting schedule, keep production on time, coordinate departments, and ruthlessly crush any obstacle that stands in the path of getting our shots. All will fear you and obey.
Gaffers
In a dark world, be a shining beacon of light. Work with the DoP to shape light, manage lighting equipment, and create the mood of every scene.
Sound Recordist
In an Indian city, the sound recordist is a tragic hero. You’ll record crisp dialogue over the din of construction noises, stray dogs, and random police sirens. You will manage mics, conquer audio anomalies, and ensure we never have to utter the tragic, spirit-crushing phrase: “We’ll fix it in post.”
Production Assistant(s)
The unsung tube of Fevikwik holding the entire production together. Run errands, move gear, manage props, keep departments talking to each other, and jump in wherever you’re needed.
Cast:
UNCLE (Male, 60s)
The hero of the story (in his head). A retired curmudgeon and the self-appointed guardian of order in his locale.
MONIKA (Female, 30s-40s)
A young, outspoken RWA committee member who refuses to let Uncle’s nonsense go unchallenged.
AKSHAY (Male, 20s-30s)
A friendly young tenant whose very existence offends Uncle’s worldview.
AMBIKA (Female, 25–35)
Akshay’s friend, denied entry to the society because of Uncle’s obsession with rules.
MOCKUMENTARY CREW (2-3 roles, any gender, early 20s)
Film students who’ve taken a side gig documenting Uncle’s “social activism.”
MURALI CHITRASWAMY (Male, 60–75)
An irascible software services billionaire, and Uncle’s personal idol.
FAMILY AT THE GARDEN:
Older Woman (50–70): Exhausted from the heat, she just wants five minutes of shade.
Younger Guys (20–35): Her relatives, who accidentally become Uncle’s targets.
RWA CHAIRMAN (Male, 65–85)
The sleepy, long-suffering head of the Eden Garden Society Resident’s Welfare Association.
RWA COMMITTEE MEMBERS (5–10 actors, 55+)
A collection of sleepy, apathetic society veterans who enable Uncle’s crusades.
MALI SQUAD (2–4 actors, any gender)
Garden staff transformed into Uncle’s self-appointed “rule enforcement unit.”
GARDEN WALKERS (several, various)
An assortment of people enjoying the garden in the backdrop.
Shoot details are TBD – we expect a 3-5 day shoot as soon as we can put it together.
We think it’s a tragedy that there’s not nearly enough good comedy about the daily absurdities of living in this vast, bizarre country. If you feel the same, reach out. Let’s make something absolutely hilarious!
And if you want a taste, here’s the full screenplay for the first episode. Spoilers ahead:
Revenge of the Uncle: Pilot Screenplay
by Soham & Sahaj Sankaran
OPEN ON:
INT. GARDEN – CONTINUOUS
A hot, parched day; sun beats down. A family is walking down the unforgiving road – two YOUNGER GUYS and an OLDER LADY. She’s overheated, unsteady on her feet, holding a newspaper above her head to ward off the sun.
They stop. See something. PAN TO – a green garden. An oasis in the desert. Trees, shade, even a water fountain! They walk up breezily, as if in a dream, and then come to an abrupt stop.
PAN DOWN TO - a small, ugly gate blocking the way, locked with a bolt.
GUY #1
It’s locked?
PAN RIGHT to a peeling sign that reads:
“GARDEN PROUDLY MAINTAINED BY
EDEN SOCIETY
RESIDENTS WELFARE ASSOCIATION
OPEN 8AM TO 10AM AND 5PM TO 7PM ONLY”
GUY #2
(reading the sign)
Open only from 5pm to 7pm?
WOMAN
Four hours a day? Then what’s the point of having a garden?
GUY #1
Should we try somewhere else?
WOMAN
Beta, I need to sit for a minute or I’ll collapse. It’s burning hot.
GUY #2
Ok, chachiji. Leave it to me.
The guy reaches his hand over the gate. Fiddles on the other side. Manages to open it. It swings open with a rusted SHRIEK.
They slip inside. Sit on a bench under the shade of a tree. Sighs of relief. Chachiji gets a cool drink of water from the fountain. They close their eyes for a moment as a sweet melody begins to play softly in the background-
UNCLE
(interrupting their reverie)
TRESPASSERS!
Open them again. Right in front stands UNCLE, 60s, pot belly, red-faced and furious, waving a walking stick dangerously close to their faces.
UNCLE
WHY ARE YOU LOITERING HYEAH!**
They blink, disoriented.
UNCLE
Garden is closed! Closed! You can’t read?! Anpad!
GUY #1
Sir, it’s too hot.
(re: the lady)
Chachiji ko chakkar aane lage, she feels faint, she just needs five minutes to rest and we’ll get going–
UNCLE
Now you’ll leave? After committing a crime? Don’t act smart! Rule is rule!
He whips out his phone.
UNCLE
I will call the police right now! I know Sub-Inspector Lal personally! He will teach you properly – tumhe bhari sabak sikhayega!
WOMAN
Sir, aap please understand kijiye, main abhi abhi girne waali thi-
UNCLE
Chup!
Uncle points out of the garden - in the distant road, an unrelated police car is passing by.
UNCLE
They have come! What did I tell you?
(waving)
Hey! Over here! I have caught the scoundrels!
The family gets to their feet, frightened. The woman is clearly still overheated, swaying a little on unsteady legs.
GUY #1
Sir, please, we are going. There’s no need–
They trip over their own feet trying to rush out of the garden. The woman, still unsteady, stumbles and falls into a roadside ditch just outside the gate.
Uncle turns directly TO THE CAMERA.
UNCLE
These vagabonds cannot loiter here!
Uncle strikes a pose - arms folded, head towards the sky. The woman struggles unsuccessfully to get up in the background.
UNCLE
(to the cameraman)
Take this angle. Take quickly!
(heroic tone)
Every day I am doing my duty – the social service!
In the back, the guys help the woman out of the ditch, shooting dirty looks at Uncle.
TITLE CARD:
REVENGE OF THE UNCLE
UNCLE vs. ROMANCE
INT. UNCLE’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
UNCLE stands stiffly in front of the camera.
UNCLE
Are you recording?
CAMERAMAN (O.S.)
Yes, Uncle.
UNCLE
You started? Why didn’t you tell me?
(clears throat)
Ahem. Yes. I am Raghav Mishra. You can call me Uncle ji. And I… am a social activist.
Waits a beat for the impact.
UNCLE
To inspire the youths, I have got a professional crew to record my samajik seva.
Camera TURNS AROUND for a moment. We quickly see the ‘professional crew’ - three college-age students, one with a camera, one with a microphone, one standing around awkwardly.
UNCLE
Come. I will show you the social service headquarters.
INT. UNCLE’S LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Uncle leads us to a shelf.
UNCLE
My shelf. All most important items.
(to the side of the shelf)
Picture of my beautiful Mrs. Mishra of course.
CAMERAMAN (O.S.)
Where is she today?
UNCLE
(casual)
Oh, she is visiting family.
(moving quickly on)
Here you can see my own inspiration.
A small shrine has been set up around a large framed photograph of an older man, greying hair – MURALI CHITRASWAMY.
UNCLE
Murali Chitraswamy. I call him Murali Sir because he is my guru. The greatest social activist in the country. He came from nothing! Just a simple middle class family. And now is he top of the world! Across the world, he is almost similar as Bill Gates! His company has 1 million engineer. But without Murali Sir, they cannot do anything. They are like ants and Murali Sir is like the queen ant. They are all just blindly following. They are the hands, he is the brain.
(inspired)
And now he has decided to bestow his wisdom across the whole country. Not just in software but in all fields! He is a polymathematical person!
(passionate)
Just yesterday, he went to the Indian Scientific College and gave a masterstroke speech!
VIDEO OF MURALI ON UNCLE’S TV: an old, frowning Tamil man at a podium.
MURALI (ON TV)
Indian Science Academy! You are supposed to be the best and brightest of Indian science. Then why is the room so dark? There has been no innovation in past 60 years. The only one innovation has come from me - the 36-hour workday. They said, Murali Sir, but there are 24 hours in a day. I said, such thinking is holding India back. And McKinsey Consultants agreed with me! Sir Ronny Fitzpatrick directly told me, Murali Sir, you are a genius! You are all lazy and complacent.
(pausing, squinting at the audience)
You are overfed. Too much funding is given from taxpayer to you. Look at Israel!
AUDIENCE MEMBER (ON TV)
But sir, Israel puts 20% of its GDP in research–
MURALI (ON TV)
You are greedy! In the gurukul, where was the taxpayer funding?
He drinks a sip of water. Spits it out.
MURALI (ON TV)
I said only Evian! Just simple Evian water bottle! Too difficult for you PhD to understand?
PAN SLOWLY - Uncle is watching the TV, enraptured.
UNCLE
Incredible, no? A man with no scientific background or knowledge has the guts to give guidance to the top science students in the country! Unfortunately most of those cowards immediately emigrated to USA.
Uncle takes us back to the shelf. Half of it is full of pictures of Murali Chitraswamy, books by him, framed quotations, etc.
UNCLE
And this shelf is for my greatest achievement.
He points to a spot marked out with a label taped in front:
PADMA SHRI AWARD
Expected 2027
UNCLE
In the cacophony of modern life, sometimes the work of a simple samajik sevak like myself can get lost in the din…
We see Uncle is reading off a printed piece of paper - looks like a ChatGPT screenshot.
UNCLE (CONT’D)
So I am recording this professional video
with the help of a camera in order to inspire the youths, that they too can make a difference in their everyday lives.
(impassioned)
And I hope that many people across the country - especially the good people at the Ministry of Home Affairs - watch this and understand the value of even everyday social service. Ministry of Home Affairs, you know, is a very big department with many functions. They are looking after security, but they are also granting Padma Awards.
Uncle realizes he’s being too obvious. Coughs for a moment.
UNCLE
Ahem. But you cannot win Bharat Ratna by being lazy. Social activism needs hard work. I start my day early when the sun rises.
INT. UNCLE’S BEDROOM – DAY
A CLOCK on uncle’s bedside table – 8 in the morning. Uncle is struggling out of bed.
UNCLE (V.O.)
I take a walk to keep me fit.
EXT. GARDEN – MORNING
Uncle strolling through the garden in the morning.
UNCLE (O.S.)
After that, I do intensive research on social issues.
INT. UNCLE’S LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Uncle goes into his bedroom.
UNCLE
(to Camera)
Now please don’t interrupt. I am doing research.
The door closes almost all the way. A beat.
The Camera crew talk to each other O.S.
CAMERAMAN (O.S.)
Has this budda paid us yet?
MIC OPERATOR (O.S.)
Not yet.
CAMERAMAN
Wasn’t he going to give an advance? We’ve taken this equipment on credit, Jignesh!
MIC OPERATOR
He’ll give it, he’ll give it. Let’s ask now. He’s in a good mood.
They crack open the door to his bedroom – WE SEE HIM sprawled in bed, drooling, glasses off to one side. His phone is still open; WhatsApp videos playing on loop.
VIDEO (PHONE)
Aaj ki ladki kya pehen rahi hai?
UNCLE (V.O.)
It is important to work hard. I never stop working for even one minute.
MIC OPERATOR
He’s asleep?
CAMERAMAN
He’ll wake up in a minute. Uncle?
(louder)
Uncle?
CUT TO:
3PM on a clock. The Camera is stationary, placed down on a chair. In our view, the Camera Crew are rifling through Uncle’s stuff.
CAMERAMAN
Where does he keep the money?
They open a semi-hidden compartment on a bookcase. We briefly see WADS OF CASH, rubber-banded together.
Suddenly, Uncle jerks awake.
UNCLE
What’s happening? What are you doing?
They quickly shut the compartment and get the camera, trying to act casual.
CAMERAMAN
You were doing research, Uncle.
UNCLE
(quickly)
Yes. I was doing deep research.
MIC OPERATOR
Uncle, we had talked about the advance…
UNCLE
Tomorrow. There’s no cash in the house.
The camera looks towards the bookcase with the compartment. Uncle casually walks over and covers it with his body.
UNCLE
Enough research. Now we will go for evening walk!
INT. GARDEN – CONTINUOUS
Uncle is walking at a leisurely pace down the garden path.
UNCLE
Even at my age, walking keeps me physically fit.
(brash)
You just try to keep up!
INT. GARDEN – FIVE MINUTES LATER
Uncle is huffing and puffing, out of breath.
UNCLE
We’ll take one minute break. For you to catch your breath. I will… huff… wait for you.
He bends over, taking deep breaths.
UNCLE
Beautiful… garden, no? It used to be like a jungle.
FLASHBACK: The garden before. It’s perfectly fine, looking natural, serene.
UNCLE
With the help of the Resident’s Welfare Association, I removed all the mess. I even imported best palm tree from Dubai.
He gestures at the constrained hedges and strange-looking trees. The whole place looks artificial. There’s a dead shrub.
CAMERAMAN (O.S.)
Where is it?
UNCLE
It is still growing.
He waves around the garden, like a king claiming his kingdom.
UNCLE
Now this is a paradise for the public.
(modest)
I cannot take full credit. Other people also contributed. Though the names are not coming to mind at this moment…
As he walks, he almost trips over something on the grass. Pan down – a YOUNG COUPLE is sitting on it, eating from a *dabba* and chatting.
MAN
Uncle, are you ok?
WOMAN
Please be careful.
PAN BACK to Uncle. His face has gone red with rage. Slowly boiling. He looks left. Looks right.
UNCLE
You are married?
WOMAN
What?
MAN
No.
Uncle looks down. Sees they’re holding hands. He averts his eyes.
UNCLE
Ugh! Like this? In public? The indecency!
(to them)
You should be ashamed!
MAN
Why?
UNCLE
Think of the parents!
WOMAN
I’m thirty one!
Uncle ignores their indignation. Looks theatrically into the camera.
UNCLE
It is time for this samajik sevak to do one more social service.
CUT TO:
INT. MEETING ROOM – DAY
Dingy meeting room. A scuffed wooden table; plastic chairs all around. ELDERLY PEOPLE fill the seats, Uncle among them. At the head, a barely-awake old man – the CHAIRMAN – is droning on.
CHAIRMAN
I hereby call this meeting of the Eden Society Resident’s Welfare Association to order. First item on the agenda…
He rifles through pages in front of him. Very slowly, squinting for a long time at each page. Uncle is visibly impatient.
CHAIRMAN
We will first read the minutes of the previous meeting of the Eden Society Resident’s Welfare Association. Secretary will please to read.
The equally-old SECRETARY is clearly asleep in his chair. The Chairman shakes him awake with one hand.
CHAIRMAN
(louder)
Secretary please to read!
The Secretary jerks awake. Groggily looks around. Takes the papers.
SECRETARY
(reading)
Ah, ah, yes. Minutes of previous meeting. Welcome to this meeting of the Eden Society…
Uncle jolts upright.
UNCLE
Stop this nonsense! I have to make an emergency motion!
A beat. Nobody seems to care.
CHAIRMAN
Raghav, I keep telling you, you don’t have to ask permission. We all have this problem. Just go to the bathroom-
UNCLE
Not that kind of motion. I have seen with my own these two eyes
(pointing at his eyes)
… indecency in our Eden garden. These boys and girls… sitting together on the grass! Eating! Flirting! Touching!
A beat. Nobody shares his rage. Two of them are clearly asleep. The rest are on their phones. The Chairman’s eyes are drooping shut…
UNCLE
Mister Chairman. Mister Chairman!
CHAIRMAN
Uh… yes. What do you propose to do, Raghav?
RAGHAV
To bring decency to the garden and harmony to the society, I have drafted just a few simple rules.
He slams a pile of papers onto the desk. People rub their eyes, bewildered.
UNCLE
Now that you have had a chance to read, if there is no objection we will pass–
MONIKA
I’m sorry, this is ridiculous.
Uncle peers around. At the end of a table – MONIKA, 50s, annoyed.
UNCLE
Mrs. Sharma?
MONIKA
Miss Singh now, please. That garden is for the public to use freely. I take my children there. I’m not going to tell them they can’t go on the grass. This city has so few green spaces as it is. We don’t need more rules. And while we’re on the subject, can we talk about these nonsensical time restrictions–
Uncle watches Monika with a glower as she builds up steam…
EXT. BUILDING – NIGHT
Uncle exits the building, angry. A sign on the front: “EDEN SOCIETY”.
UNCLE
Always, some people want to stand in the way of progress. But samajhik sevaks like me have to…
Voices drifting from the building gate. Uncle looks over. Three people are arguing - AKSHAY (30s), a uniformed WATCHMAN, and a YOUNG WOMAN. Uncle decides to get involved.
UNCLE
What is this?
AKSHAY
Oh, hi. You’re Raghav Uncle, right? Nice to meet you-
UNCLE
I am Uncle ji. Who are you? You live here?
AKSHAY
Just since this week. I’m renting from Mister Chowdhury-
UNCLE
Colonel Chowdhury.
(to Camera)
Retired.
(to Akshay)
You are a… tenant?
He says it like it’s a grave crime. Akshay blinks.
AKSHAY
Uh… right. So my friend’s visiting me, but my phone’s not working so I can’t give her a DigiGate code.
(to Watchman)
Look, you can see my phone’s not working. I’ll get it fixed. Can you let it go for today?
The Watchman sees his phone is cracked. Shrugs.
WATCHMAN
Theek hai, sir. Jaa sakti hai. But next time, please use app.
AKSHAY
For sure. Thank you so much–
UNCLE
What? Guest entry without DigiPass? Then anybody can come in and do what they want?
WOMAN
(to Akshay)
Baby, it’s cold. Can we just go in…
AKSHAY
Uncle, she’s not anybody, she’s a close friend. She’s staying with me tonight–
UNCLE
(to Camera)
What is the society coming to? All this dirty minds?
WOMAN
What? What did you say?
UNCLE
(ignores her, to Akshay)
Without DigiPass, no entry. Rule is rule!
(to the watchman)
How can you allow? I will tell the Chairman to have you removed!
(points)
See? He is going now.
Upon hearing Uncle, the Chairman quickens his pace and disappears. The Watchman quails. Shrugs apologetically at Akshay.
WATCHMAN
Sir, I’m sorry. Rule toh hai.
(remembers; to Uncle)
But, ah, sir… your these…
(re: the camera crew; Camera turns around to point at the crew)
Today you also didn’t issue DigiPass.
Uncle clearly knows that - but acts outraged.
UNCLE
What?
(right at Camera)
You did not take DigiPass?
His barking has left spittle on the lens. The Cameraman wipes it off.
CAMERAMAN (O.S.)
Be careful of the lens–
SOUND GUY (O.S.)
You told us it was fine and not to waste time!
UNCLE
Liar! Out! Out with you! Out!
CUT TO:
INT. UBER – CONTINUOUS
The camera crew is squeezed into an Uber with Akshay’s friend.
CAMERAMAN
Can he drop us first?
INT. UNCLE’S APARTMENT – NEXT MORNING
Uncle stands stiffly in his apartment.
UNCLE
(to camera)
As you have seen, some disruptive people will always be against social progress. In order to stop them, we have to understand why. So I will do… research.
CUT TO:
EXT. BUILDING – CONTINUOUS
FROM BEHIND A CORNER, we peek over to see Monika getting into a rickshaw at the building gate. PAN TO SEE – Uncle is concealing himself behind the wall and watching.
UNCLE
I will get the car! Come quick!
INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS
View from the windshield as Uncle’s car follows a rickshaw through the streets.
CAMERAMAN (O.S.)
Sir, are you sure this is ok–
UNCLE
Be quiet! It is research for the social service!
EXT. RESTAURANT – CONTINUOUS
Uncle watches as Monika gets out of the rickshaw and enters a restaurant. He beckons for the camera to come closer and watch from around a corner.
As we watch, Monika greets someone with a hug. It’s Akshay. Uncle gasps. Orders the camera closer as they sit at an outdoor table.
UNCLE
Point the mic! What are they saying?
Their voices slowly come into focus.
AKSHAY
…been meaning to try this place. I have to take pictures for the magazine anyway.
He’s got a DSLR CAMERA on the table, photoing the food.
MONIKA
Did Ambika not want to come along? Or still asleep back in Eden?
AKSHAY
I think it’s over with Ambika. We had some trouble with that fucker Raghav last night. He kicked her out of the building.
MONIKA
Mishra? That guy’s a fucking psychopath.
AKSHAY
(imitating)
How can you say that? Rule is rule!
He does a faux Hitler salute, with a finger over his lip to imitate the moustache. Both laugh. Uncle grits his teeth. Slowly turns to the Camera.
UNCLE
Now they will regret.
INT. MEETING ROOM – DAY
The same RWA meeting room. The Chairman is still droning on.
OLD MAN
We will now read the minutes of the previous meeting…
UNCLE
Mister Chairman, I need the floor!
(he stands, paces)
In the last meeting, I told you that indecency was occurring! In our Eden! You did not believe me! And now this indecency has also entered into this committee!
He throws down PHOTOGRAPHS onto the table.
UNCLE
See!
WE LOOK DOWN at the photos – Monika and Akshay laughing together at the restaurant. The committee members crane their necks to look. Gasps and murmurs.
MONIKA
(outraged)
What… how did you get this? Have you been stalking me? This is an invasion of my privacy–
UNCLE
I am fighting for the future of our country and you want to talk about privacy? No! Please explain how you are having an affair!
MONIKA
What – we’re not dating! And even if we were it wouldn’t be an affair. My husband and I have been separated. He left two years ago! You all know this!
UNCLE
(shaking his head)
Still married and meeting with a bachelor who is also a renter. Mister Sharma was a valued member of this committee. And he was our friend. You all remember how she drove him away, you all remember! He was a broken man!
MONIKA
He moved in with his secretary the same day!
UNCLE
(pityingly)
See the depths he had to go for comfort.
The other committee members mutter and shake their heads. Uncle senses the moment. Raises a hand.
UNCLE
I plead you to stop further indecency. Today it was Mister Sharna. Tomorrow maybe it will be your wife who goes to America to visit your son, then stops answering your calls! And when she comes back she won’t even sleep in the same bed as me!
Monika looks at him, dumbfounded.
MONIKA
As you?
UNCLE
(coughs)
Ahem. Now we will vote.
CUT TO:
EXT. GARDEN – DAY
GIANT SIGNS all over the garden with the new rules. No eating, no sitting on the grass. No running. No playing. Path is only one way. No short pants. No PDA. Uncle steps in front of a sign.
UNCLE
The committee saw sense and voted for my all rules. And to keep decency in the garden… I found some help..
SLOW-MO SHOTS. A squad of MALIS walk into the garden in step. Uniforms and lathis, which they’re polishing in a phallic way.
The mali squad takes positions around the garden and glare at people walking. One of them uses his lathi to threaten someone opening a packet of chips.
A child sets one foot on the grass. The SHRIEK of a whistle - a mali stands in his path menacingly.
Two elderly women encounter each other, stop to chat. A lathi prods at them. A mali points at the “KEEP WALKING” sign and starts following them until they resume walking.
Uncle walks down the path. The mali squad salutes as he passes.
UNCLE
Now it is perfect. No indecency in the garden.
A scoff from nearby. Akshay and Monika are taking a walk. When they see uncle, they pointedly hold hands.
UNCLE
(smug)
Hello, Mrs. Sharma.
She grabs onto Akshay’s hand.
MONIKA
It’s Miss Singh.
UNCLE
(skeptical)
As you like it.
MONIKA
(steamed)
Are you happy now, Raghav? You’ve turned this into a prison!
Uncle ignores them as they walk away. Monika pointedly kisses Akshay on the cheek as they go.
UNCLE
You think I didn’t see that?
(to Camera)
Again they will regret.
He looks tired, takes a breath.
UNCLE
I’ll just sit down for one minute.
He sits – in the grass. Takes out a SNACK from his pocket and starts munching.
UNCLE
Being a social activist is difficult. But I don’t do it for myself. I don’t do it for the applause. I don’t even do it for the Padma Shri. If Honorable Home Ministry gives it to me, it is their choice only. I do it for the youth, for the society. For my country
A GLINT in the distance. A DSLR camera; Akshay is carefully training it on Uncle.
UNCLE
(noticing his crew)
What are you looking at?
CAMERAMAN (O.S.)
Nothing, sir.
UNCLE
Get shots of the people walking. See how happy they are after I fixed the garden.
The people walking look miserable. Uncle smiles happily.
INT. MEETING ROOM – DAY
Uncle stands proudly in the committee room.
UNCLE
I am happy to report to the committee that the garden is now completely decent. I give a vote of thanks to all the committee members.
(looking right at Monika)
As committee members, we should be an inspiration to all citizens.
MONIKA
Is that right, Raghav?? We should be an inspiration?
UNCLE
Yes. In fact, I will propose today that any committee member who violates the rules
(points at Monika)
Will be banned from Eden garden. For life!
Monika smiles thinly.
MONIKA
I’m so glad to hear you say that. After all, some committee members are already engaging in behavior that’s against the rules.
UNCLE
Yes. And this will not be tolerated!
MONIKA
Good.
And then Monika throws down a photograph – Uncle sitting on the grass and eating, right next to a big sign forbidding it.
A beat. Uncle swallows. Opens and closes his mouth.
UNCLE
I… that is… I’m not…
MONIKA
What happened, Raghav? I thought ‘rule is rule’?
UNCLE
No, that’s not…
(beat; he takes a breath)
My brothers and sisters. When I wrote the new rules for the garden, I wanted to create a place where people can be safe. Where they can relax in nature. I wanted to do this social service for every citizen of India. But now I see it was not enough. We have to set an example for the whole country! We have to show there is a better way!
(pausing)
And so… I have one more motion. Where is safety without privacy?
CUT TO:
EXT. GARDEN – CONTINUOUS
A giant sign on a tree – NO CAMERAS. A mali is knocking it in with a hammer.
Uncle stretches happily, looking around the garden. All around - dystopia. The malis have somehow acquired sunglasses and badges. One of them is frisking garden-goers and opening their bags, looking for contraband. Two malis form a security checkpoint at the entrance, glaring at anyone trying to get in. A mali measures someone’s shorts with a tape measure - too short, no entry.
Uncle smiles.
UNCLE
Now it is perfect. As a social activist, I am only happy when I see my work is benefitting the people…
And the camera is YANKED to the right. A mali with a stick is menacingly staring at it.
MALI
Can’t you read? No cameras!
CAMERAMAN (O.S.)
But Sir told us–
The mali hits the Camera out of his hands with a stick. It falls to the ground with a CRUNCH. Our POV is now full of CRACKS and blurred, we can barely make out shapes and colors.
UNCLE (O.S.)
What are you doing?
MALI (O.S.)
Sir, aapne bola rule is rule.
CAMERAMAN (O.S.)
You’ll have to pay us for the camera. It’s a rental, on credit–
UNCLE (O.S.)
What ‘pay’? It’s not broken only! See, I will just fix it–
He might be leaning down.
CAMERAMAN (O.S.)
No, don’t touch it, don’t touch it–
A finger approaches the cracked lens. As it touched… a SHATTERING NOISE. Followed by a CRUNCH. The sound of something going very wrong.
TO BLACK.
TITLE: Uncle will return.
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